When the music stops

When I get into my car and drive and stop these various destinations I learn so much about myself as I go through trail and error. This road trip to California has been an awesome time of self reflection. I have had some great conversations with old friends that helped me that I share a loving, authentic, faith with those I really love. We can't put God in a box and then paint in black and white. Life is not black and white. I used to think it was, but it's one of those things that I should have questioned ages ago because it turn out the Bible never says that life or God is "black & white". The God of wonders is to big for any type of box. 

I got to experience the cities of Los Angeles and San Francisco where I was able have many fun conversations with strangers, who were no longer strangers after we had ended our conversations. I had a fun conversation with an aspiring actor who recently played a zombie in a film. I had a great talk about coffee with a girl that I met at the department store, Villains, on Haight St. in San Francisco. Turns out she was a Portlander and she wrote me a list of all the coffee shops in San Francisco that would be up to par with the coffee that we have been spoiled with in Portland. I only trust fellow snobs when it comes to coffee and beer and I could tell that she was legit. So if you are in SF at some p

oint and you appreciate coffee go to Four Barrels and/or Ritual for a divine experience.

It was nice to get reacquainted with LA and SF. I love the diversity. I love the handful of cool people. However, I don't like getting told to eff off for obeying the traffic laws. Oregon has turned me into quite a pansy behind the wheel. I love the nightlife that I experience and the good music with a sick beat that you can dance to. I wandered the streets of SF at night and didn't get shanked. I think I could live in either of these places if I choose to go back to school in the near future. SF is such an amazing city but UCLA happens to be in Los Angeles. Whatevs. I have time.

Family time was great. My little hometown is always full of great memories and it's nice to have all family in one central location. I got to have a great LA/Dodgers adventure with my brother and cousins. I got to have to have some quality time with the parents and others at family BBQs/dinners.

Through all of these conversations I've only begun to see how much I have changed and where my passions lie. These people and skylines I love continue to refine me. I am blessed.

I saw a guy in the middle of an intersection yesterday down with firefighters around him giving him chest compressions as they were trying to keep his heart beating before the EMTs arrived. I had a terrible feeling as I prayed for him. It turns out that the guy was a 27 year old man from Ventura and he died because he choose to race a Corvette and lost control when the light changed and went under an SUV and then his life was over.

Life is so precious and I realize that I do take it for granted quite too often. I race against Corvettes probably more than I should (in the figurative sense). Really, I'm quite foolish at times. I guess many of us are foolish at times when we try and make the most of this one precious life. We just never know when this life end. We are like mixtapes; intricate, yet fragile. 

I need to end on a high note...I've done a bit of transforming this summer. The church encouraged transformation and I obliged. I don't know if they'll like it but here we go anyway. I'm a TRANSFORMER. I'm ready to take on Portland. I'm excited to come home to Portland and start YEAR TWO. I'm excited for this action packed summer with includes the Dirty South Adventure. I'm excited to move in a new apartment. I'm excited for Res Lifing it. I'm excited for Imago Dei. I'm excited for a Revolution. I'm excited for the unknown. 

I can hear the sound of sirens and heartache...

I woke up this morning and my first thoughts were:

I am reflecting on how tragedy changes our perspective on life, for better or worse, we let our emotions get the best of us sometimes. I'm thinking about standing in the club with a red bull & vodka in hand and seeing the people around me try and drown out their loneliness by indulging in whatever the can get their hands on. Recently I've seen riots on TV caused by a world championship and others caused by fear of tyranny. Some people are complete idiots, others are desperate. I'm thinking about the awesome church in Portland that found me. I like to question and learn and grown in faith. It's my freedom and my responsibility to question. People read my words and ask my friend if I'm OK. I smile and shake my head remembering judging those who "struggled" :). I look forward to the day when folks ask me how I'm feeling and perhaps we could have a good conversation over coffee or a beer. I've had some great conversation this summer so far and it's only 20 days into June. I look forward to many more great conversations. There were times this week when I have felt invincible, but that was foolishness. 

All I'm focused on currently is:

Protesters have taken the streets of Los Angeles in support of the protesters dying in Iran. A man was just declared, "the REVOLUTION is here!"

Keep Breathing, Phillip

The person that has been on my mind for the past six days is Phillip Leichliter, who is my ex-girl friend's and best friend's current boyfriend. Phillip was in a terrible car accident last week Saturday/Sunday around 12:30am-ish. His car hit a big truck and caught on fire. He had second degree burns on his arms and elsewhere and broke his nose and also bones around his eyes. His face was swollen and he has been nearly unconscious for a week. He was taken off the paralytic that the was one just yesterday. He is responsive to touch, which is amazing. I have been communicating with Lindsay back and forth via Facebook and she didn't think he was going to make it through the night a few days ago because oxygen was not getting to his brain. All that changed and he is breathing on his own now, but is still in a daze. The neurologist (the McDreamy of UC Davis) has yet to determine if there is any serious head trauma or brain damage. Please pray or send good thoughts or anything for this guy and for Lindsay. He is opening his eyes now, but is still not able to speak. He did squeeze Lin's hand when he opened his eyes and saw her. We need some kind of a miracle now to get Phillip though this. I believe in a God and I believe that something radical can happen to get Phillip and Lindsay through this mess. I have seen too many episodes of Grey's Anatomy so it is natural for me to get so introspective about the next phases in this process. 

I was at the gym tonight and found myself praying between the cardio machine and between reps. Please pray for Phillip however you choose to in whatever faith you have. I know a lot of people pray for God's will to be done, but I'm selfishly praying for a full recovery for him and for strenght for Lin. This could be weeks, months or years of recovery , I don't know, all I can hope for is the best. 

Phillip and I are not what you would call, "friends", but he's still important to me and I want him to get through this without any major  damage. He's a good guy and has the heart of a lion. I hope for the best. 

This was a brief summary of what happened, but basically I just wanted to ask to please think of him and Lindsay. My friends in Nor Cal have been sent on a roller coaster of a ride this week, but I am faithful in the outcome. I don't get why things like this happen, but we just need to press on with every bot of strength we have sometimes to make it through turbulent times.

I will keep you posted on this. Thank you for all who read this for your support for my friends. 

The Happenings

There are just periods of times in life when happenings occur, these "happenings" are sometimes good and sometimes traumatic. The evangelicals will say that these happenings occur because God willed them to. Some of these happenings seem too effed up beyond belief for God to will them to happen. I think I believe that God allows things to happen because after all he is supposed to be this omnipresent being who watches over us.

It was Wednesday after the lightening storm when my best friend and I chatted until the late hours. She rested her head on my arm as we drifted off to sleep. All was well. My friends far away exchanged texts with me. All was well.

There brewing in the center of that storm were things that if I had the ability to fly, see the future and superhuman strength I would have made trips to DC, Orlando and back to Auburn over the next few days. 

Alas, I am human and I still can't wrap my head around why God allows things to happen. Don't worry I am still a man of signs over coincidence . This summer just got more complex, but I have definitely now been called to do the most difficult thing that I have ever been asked to do.

Is it so sad that it took me seeing George O'Malley getting creamed by a bus to help me appreciate life so much more? Perhaps it's because we had so much in common. Perhaps it's because I would like to think I would jump in front of a bus just to save one life.

God bless this summer.

Revolutions Part 1: The Battle for Imago Dei

The Image of God (Hebrew: צֶלֶם אֱלֹהִים‎; tzelem elohim, lit. "image of God", often appearing in Latin as Imago Dei) is a concept and theological doctrine that asserts that human beings are created in God's image and therefore have inherent value independent of their utility or function (definition taken from Wikipedia).

It was just about two years ago from this month that I took an epic road trip that would change my life. It was a solo road trip for me in which I was in search of authentic community. My final destination for this epic road trip would be Portland to visit a girl. It was around NW 23rd and Johnson where I met up with my friend Julie. She introduced me to her city and I almost immediately fell in love with the city of Portland. There were many reasons what I fell in love with this city that I have come to know as PDX or P-town or not too frequently as Stumptown. I felt almost invincible. I had the balls to say and do things that I would normally not have said or done. I found authentic community and to use a "Christianese" phrase, "I felt God for the first time in quite sometime". 

This sensation of God's presence came from a combination of friend, music, the open road, conversations with random people in bars, journaling, the beauty of Oregon, sparrows, the sound of the rain against my windshield, etc. I had left the noise of Los Angeles and I forgotten about the church that lost themselves and their followers in politics and had found God...everywhere. In which I mean to say, He never left. I had to realize that I am not called to place my faith in church elders. They are as human as I am with our three pound finite minds and our sinful ways that keep us falling short. There are humans that blindly follow church authority and there are those that choose to question it. I feel that all parties are guilty of stupidity at times, but I choose to side with the latter. I think that anyone that believes or agrees with every word that comes out of their pastors mouth is dumb. This train of thought, believe it or not, actually comes from my conservative evangelical upbringing. I question, I engage, I dive into the book that the Christians call the "Word", I pray, I have some coffee or beer, depending on the time of day and then I can either choose to agree with the preacher man (or preacher woman, if I were in a non discriminatory church setting). 

Call me a revolutionary, but I'd rather be strong in my faith and question and engage in conversation and know what the hell I'm talking about than to agree with the person on stage. Jesus took the Pharisees to school because he knew his shiz. MLK questioned the hell out of authority and it's because of that boldness that people can actually believe in optimistic phrases such as, "Yes We Can".

The last year of my life has had a "transitions" theme of sorts, at least that's what I called it when I first moved to P-town. It was a hell of a year of transitioning that helped to redefine me as a professional, as a Christian, as a human, as a man, as a sexual being, as a Portlander, etc. I have more passion. I am more driven. I am more faithful. I am more confident. I took these thoughts with me as I drove a five day drive back to California. It was this past Wednesday night in Auburn, CA when I stood beneath a gorgeous electrical storm that lit up the night sky for miles. I was reminded of the power. I was reminded of the beauty of silence. I stood there in a parking lot and watched this brilliant dance of electricity as rain poured down on me. It was the Image of God. Once again found in silence and loved ones. It's almost like we are in a constant uphill battle to experience God's image. Noise gets in the way. We Christians even God-block each other at times. We point to many fingers at sex, drugs and rock and roll when the real problem often starts from pride and penetrates all that it is good until out frustration gets the best of us and we become blinded to God's presence which in reality has never left. Life is just too damn complicated at times. But you gotta love it.

I sent a text to my good friend that we need to start a revolution, an underground Jesus movement with a mission of authentic love and community. He agreed. Yep, the transition process has been completed. I am definitely a SE Portlander. 

Still to come on Revolutions:

Thoughts on music, sexuality and higher education.